How to become addicted to losing yourself

If you had the chance to change anything about you, no matter what, would you do it? It could be your body, your appearance, your personality, your possessions if you could change anything about you, and no one would know that you did it afterward, would you do it? Are you satisfied with who you are right now?

For us all, it is necessary to strive for things, to sometimes shoot for the stars. In our world, anything can be achieved by the will to work hard and to dedicate yourself to a cause. We all should strive to be the most perfect person we can be because it is the only true way for us to unlock our fullest potential. Imperfection is nothing but a lack of will, flaws are as natural as they are unnecessary and if you fail at anything because you are reluctant to acknowledge your flaws, you can’t blame anyone but yourself for that, and rightfully so. We have created a world where nothing is impossible, no mistake is permanent and no flaw is acceptable. Perfection leads to success, imperfection leads to well-deserved failure. That is survival of the fittest, that is where we came from and where we are going. That being said, I would like to ask you again:
Are you satisfied with who you are right now?
Sometimes, the key to success is to never be satisfied, to be obsessed with progress, change and perfection. If you are satisfied, that would mean you either reached perfection, that there is no possible room for improvement, or that you have given up, that’s it, no third option. We all have the ability to change who we are at any given point in time. Are you unpopular? Step up your social media game. Are you too fat? Hit the gym and go to work! Don’t like your look? Buy some fashionable clothes, put some time and effort in your make up for god’s sake! Still don’t like the way you look? Well, have you ever heard of plastic surgery? No mistake is permanent, we all have the ability to sacrifice who we are, in order to become who we want to be.

Who we want to be is the one person we should always imitate. You have to hate yourself in order to make yourself who you want to become. Stagnation is giving up, accepting what is unacceptable is losing to yourself. The results are as close as you set them to be and as far as you need them to be. Just two more pounds. Just hit a hundred likes this time. The result is always around the corner, waiting for the person who is willing to go the extra mile. Anything we do has the potential of becoming a habit and as soon as hating who you are becomes one, the unsettling, gruesome dissatisfaction with yourself becomes a self-driving, unstoppable force that takes you from result to result without stopping for anything in its way. You will start to rearrange your aims because you will become addicted to fulfilling them, all that counts are results, and as you take step by step closer to the person you want to be, the person everybody wants you to be, the perfect you, until in your obsession, you run over the one thing that could have stopped you from losing yourself for good, the simple question that you should have asked yourself a long time ago: Who are you?

Who is that person, that you want to be? Who are you, after you change yourself intentionally? Who do you want to become? Because it certainly, by definition, isn’t going to be you.
There just is one immensely overlooked problem hidden behind the thought of “I hate my body” or “I hate my personality”. Your body is a reflection of all the choices you made in your life, it is what people have seen all your life when they communicated with you. It’s not a shell, a costume that you can change in and out of, it is as much a part of you as your thoughts, memories, desires, relationships, fears, and experiences. All those add up to your personality, your choices, your body and in consequence you. You can’t simply separate your mind from your body because someone tells you that your body is inadequate. But most people aren’t aware of that. Instead, they start to pick themselves apart, start to isolate traits of theirs that are connected in many ways, start to lose themselves. An introverted person, who is struggling to meet new people forms a deep bond with the few persons she trusts. This person will never be able to act cool and force herself to act like an extrovert without compromising the nature of her former, real relationships. A very social and helpful person will never be able to turn into someone cool and distanced without changing the way she treats her family. Our surroundings condition our experiences, which built our personalities, which are the base for our decision making, which directly reflects in the composition of our bodies. This whole web of correlations is what adds up to your identity, from the tip of your nose to the depths of your darkest secrets. As soon as you try to change something about that, you replace a real link in this chain with an imaginative expectation of what it is supposed to be like. This elusive “who I am supposed to be” is nothing but a composition of our insecurities, fears, and expectations others have of us.
In the end, as this striving proceeds, you slowly but steadily start to take real pieces of you and replace them with an illusion until you completely lose your identity.

The reason why this process is able to develop a momentum way beyond our control is, that we use our real desire to be satisfied with ourselves as motivation to do whatever we link it to. Whether you are only satisfied with yourself if you have had a productive day, lost some weight, made a lot of money or gotten a lot of compliments, the process is always the same. You take something you don’t want to do because deep down, you know that it is harmful to you, and link it to your self-satisfaction to be able to do it anyways. Finally, as soon as hating yourself becomes a habit, there is no easy way of stopping it.

Instead, wouldn’t it be a necessity to be satisfied with yourself to be able to do what you really want to do, be who you are and end up where you belong? How could you live your life, trust yourself to make decisions, communicate authentically without accepting and embracing your identity?
How could you not be satisfied with who you are right now?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s