and then you let go

And then you let go, and everything crashes. Securities are shaken, confidences tremble and fall. It hurts, you hurt, and you gasp for breath but it feels like there is none, just like the floor underneath your feet, which dissolves into thin air. You fall, and the best thing you can do is to close your eyes and lean into it because little do you know that at this very moment you start to truly live.

Life is a constant struggle, isn’t it? A back and forth between the things we deem worthy of achieving and the fears we deem threatening enough to make us turn around and run. It’s a struggle between meeting our dreams and being afraid of waking up. More often than not this makes us so uncomfortable, so we don’t fall asleep in the first place, problem solved. But not for real, because we still have two worlds inside of us, screaming and banging their heads against each other. Full of blame and resentment for being so heartless, so thoughtless.

Usually, we think about it as a choice between one and the other, a fight for the steering wheel. Trust or fear, love or security, hope or desperation. Caught between all these conflicting opposites it’s easy to forget that both parts sit in the same car. Both of them want to drive somewhere, and if we keep following one or the other, some part of us will always be unsatisfied, some part will always fear and some will always think. So maybe, the problem is not the one who is driving. Maybe its the act of driving in itself and we should take the hands of the wheel all-together. Which means to let go, let go of our logical, rational, analytical sense-making, and let go of our fears, our running away and overthinking tendencies.

It means to stare fear and uncertainty in the eyes, to invite them to the table an to have a feast together. It means to take a deep breath in and out and to become calm in doing so. To gain freedom and to reach the present moment.

It means to let go, which is essentially equivalent to falling in love. Falling, not climbing. You can only successfully fall if you stop to grasp and let it be. Falling is accepting. Accepting the total impuissance and total dependence on the mercy of fate. It is not just giving up control, but realizing we never had any.

Certainly, taking the hands of the wheel will involve crashes. Sometimes that’s necessary because not to do it would be suicide. It hurts, you hurt, and you gasp for breath but it feels like there is none, just like the floor underneath you feat, which dissolves into thin air. You fall, and the best thing you can do is to close your eyes and lean into it because little do you know that at this very moment you start to truly live.

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